


Couple Sessions

by mthevlamister, TheIcyMage



Series: SQUIP Squad™ [9]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Hey it's still fucked up, Multi, Other, and they're trying, but you're reading it anyway, continuation of the last series, it's weird - Freeform, so hey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-24 15:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18167204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/pseuds/mthevlamister, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIcyMage/pseuds/TheIcyMage
Summary: "They can be... a bit... controlling."Or:hey remember when I wrote that fic? Well get ready for the future of that! We got plans ba-bey!





	Couple Sessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They can be... a bit... controlling."
> 
> Or:
> 
> hey remember when I wrote that fic? Well get ready for the future of that! We got plans ba-bey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Icy and I made a lot of updates.  
> All the SQUIPS have youtube channels.  
> C has a parkour gym.  
> Jeremy and Evan have a sister.  
> We spent too many nights staying up talking about these things.  
> There's a support group for SQUIPed kids.

"They can be... a bit... controlling."

"And how does that make you feel, Jeremy?"

"Well," Jeremy looked at his partners. They were on either side of him. "I feel like--"

"Don't hold back." A said, squeezing Jeremy's leg. "Be honest."

"You know, it's nice some of the time. I like it when I need someone to control me or when I want them to, but when I want to say something or express myself it's difficult. I'm not allowed to do anything they consider risky or too...I just think that maybe it would be nice to hear I'm right sometimes. I'm already anxious enough about my actions! They make it worse when they argue with me or don't say 'hey that was pretty cool' or something! They get mad and yell at me! Sometimes they get physical with anger and--" Jeremy took a deep breath. He covered his face, allowing himself to collect himself before continuing. "Sometimes I end up with bruises for no reason. Even if they're not mad, it's because of an experiment or something I didn't know about that they just do. They control what happens, and I just have to live my life prepared for whatever might happen! It's terrifying! I love them both, don't get me wrong, but I'm always tense when they come towards me. I wanted that loving 'oh darling how was work; let's cuddle while we read this novel' sort of romance! Not 'hey are you about to slap me for your youtube channel? Hey, A? You gonna slap me?' sort of love!"

A small nod from the therapist across from them. Jeremy had to thank A and C for letting them go to couple therapy. "And with Clide?"

"It's always a surprise if I'm going to be enough for him. He's very... exciting. I want him to love me, but I know I'm not his favorite. With A, he's stuck with me. We're married, we love each other, blah blah blah. With C, I just... want a reminder it's okay."

"Let's go back a bit, alright? Ash reminds you that he loves you?"

Jeremy looked up at his husband before shrugging. "Not always, no. I guess divorce is always an option--"

"No it's not." A answered quickly and sharply. 

"Ash, you'll have your turn later. Jeremy, continue."

"If he didn't love me he could divorce me, which would be weird and upsetting, but I'd get it. C practically lives in his gym. He's always at work and--well, I guess I'm not feeling wanted all the time. When I was younger they wouldn't leave me alone. You get used to that. They'd be with me all the time."

"Figuratively, of course?"

"Sure, yeah." Jeremy shrugged. "I just miss that."

"Now, Ash, Clide? How do you feel?"

"It's upsetting." C said, a small frown on his face. "I want to be a good partner. I stay at work because it makes us money."

"I know, but--"

"Jeremy, it's their turn. You will talk to each other once we're done listening."

"I want to be home. I also like parkour. It's fun. I think you should come some days when you can."

"Ash?" The therapist tapped her pen against her notebook.

"I have trouble separating pain from helping. I was made to do whatever I could to help Jeremy be cool, so hurting him was the only option. I usually shock him, but sometimes I get more physical. I am aware it's abusive--"

"Not abusive! We're not using that world!" Jeremy said quickly before taking a deep breath. "Sorry, continue."

"Alright, it's not healthy. I'm not being healthy with Jeremy. I hurt him, but it doesn't even register in my mind. I don't care--well, I do care. I'd rather see Jeremy smiling and healthy rather than sad and hurt, but it was never in my programming to care. I want the best version of him, and I have it, but there's that feeling that there always needs to be more. I need to get him more things. I need him to be more popular and well respected."

"So, how do we substitute violence for something else?" The therapist wrote another note down.

"I usually buy him things. I buy him pillows or games or whatever he wants. If I'm mad or frustrated or excited, I make sure Jeremy is aware he's special and wanted. We just started this activity. It's either that or I just hold Jeremy for a couple hours until I'm calm."

"Impulse buying and dependency."

"I don't like my tactics, but they're there. I know I'm very controlling. I need Jeremy to agree with me or else I get angry because I'm always right."

"Is he?" She turned to Jeremy, smiling. "Remember, you should be completely honest for this process."

"He is. He's usually right except when he gets power-hungry. He starts manipulating people then. Besides that he's always right." Jeremy answered, leaning his head on A's shoulder. "C is too. They know me inside and out. I'm basically an open book."

"We're very controlling. That's how we were made and that's how we will act." C said, taking Jeremy's hand. "I'm less of that, but I also stay at work more often. Ash is home more often. I am in fault of yelling at Jeremy. I just get mad when he acts like a brat. You do that a lot Jeremy."

"I--"

"Anyway, I know I should let him know when he's right, but I always assumed that he would know if I don't disagree with what he says."

"Clide, sometimes people feel a need for validation that's hard to explain. I'm sure Jeremy could tell you he just wants to hear it out loud, especially on days when he feels anxious." The therapist gave a look to Jeremy, waiting for a nod. When given one, she continued. "Now, before we move on, how does the fact Jeremy gets tense and scared when you two come close feel?"

"The worst feeling in the world." A said, frowning. "I want nothing more than for him to be happy and feel safe. I know why he feels the way he feels, but I wish I could change that. I want him to see us come home and feel joy. I want to be a better husband."

"I didn't notice how tense he got. I just thought he needed a massage because of stress. I wish I could read his mind again, but I'm more human than I've ever been. I can't do that."

"I can."

"No one asked, Ash. I just... I want trust. I want him to trust me more than anyone, including his parents and friends. Jeremy, I want you to know I will be there for you when you fall down or you have no one to turn to. I want you to feel safe with me."

Jeremy fidgeted slightly, giving a small nod. "I want that too."

"So why don't we try this now? We'll do trust falls. I want Jeremy to catch you two first, alright? Then, Jeremy, I want you to fall onto Clide first, then Ash." The therapist stood up. "I'm sure you know trust falls."

"Yes," a chorus of the three voices rang out.

Jeremy, with a slight tremble, did the activity. He caught both A and C with little trouble, used to doing it with Christine when she was working on falling from different heights for shows. When Jeremy fell, C caught him perfectly, smiling and giving his shoulders a small squeeze. It was a nice moment; a small laugh was released, and then Jeremy was supposed to fall on A. They got ready, getting into their positions, and Jeremy fell back only to feel A's arms grab him in a harsh manner. "Ow!"

"Sorry! I panicked! You fell really quickly!" A said, pushing him back up. "I apologize."

"Ash, why is your panic mode related to being rougher to your spouse?"

A paused, looking at Jeremy for a good thirty seconds. He knew his programming made it so if he was going to be shut down he would do anything to prevent it. But he wasn't being shut down. He was catching his spouse. He was doing a simple human task. There was no need to panic. But, if Jeremy wasn't caught, he'd get hurt. "I'm scared of being shut off again."

"Do you mean shut out?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm scared Jeremy won't think I'm perfect. I am perfect! I just can't be perfect when I'm stressed or nervous."

The therapist smiled, nodding. "Sounds like you're human."

"I am, aren't I?" A said, rubbing Jeremy's shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Jeremy said, nodding.

"I'm going to give assignments for home. You're going to keep doing trust falls. I want you to do the soul-gazing exercise. You stare in each other's eyes for three minutes and block the outside world. I want you all to keep a record of this, whether it be a journal or a letter to yourself. You can even vlog if you want to. I do want an update next week of the activities and what you've discussed."

"Thank you," Jeremy said before handing her a check.

The session was a stepping stone to a better future, and they were moving along the path.


End file.
